|Airdate||May 17, 2003|
|Previous||The Eggpire Strikes Back|
|Next||Sleepless in Retroville|
It's time for the Parent-Child Picnic Games at Lindbergh Elementary - and the Vortexes always win. Since Jimmy doesn't think Hugh has what it takes to beat Cindy and her mom, he invents a headband to scientifically bring his dad's performance levels up past human standards, but he and his dad are disqualified for cheating along with Cindy and her "fake mom" Aunt Susie. Soon enough, everyone else is revealed to have cheated too and since the Wheezers played fairly, they win by default.
- Jimmy (to Cindy): Vortex, you know darn well we won a medal last year!
- Cindy: Yeah, for funniest collision!
- (The class laughs)
- Miss Fowl: Now, class, it's not polite to...(bursts out laughing) that collision was hilarious!
- Sheen: Uh Coach Goobert my dads out of town so I brought Matt, he collects cans outside my dad's office.
- Coach Goobert (flexing and posing) No problem the Picnic Games rulebook stipulates that in the event of an absent parent that a vagrant may be substituted!
- Jimmy: My dad's all thumbs and has two left feet.
- Sheen: Cool! If your mom grows a beard, we could start a circus!
- Hugh (to Jimmy): Now, remember, son, there's no "I" in "team," you know what I mean?
- Jimmy: You mean we should sublimate our differences for the good of our combined effort?
- Hugh: What? No, no, I mean there's no letter "i" in the word "team." There's never a wrong time for a spelling lesson, son!
- Jimmy (to Cindy): The possibilities of you and your mom having different eye color, foot size, and earlobe length are 270,000,000 to 1.
- Cindy: You think just because your stupid data says that, it's true?
- Jimmy: That...and the fact that she has a zipper on the back of her neck.
- Mr. Wheezer: We won! And not a single injury! (drops the trophy)
- Carl: Ow! My foot!
- Mr. Wheezer: Ow! My back!
- Carl & Mr. Wheezer: (crash into each other) Ow! My head!
- Mr. Wheezer: Ow! I think I got a bone spurt.
- Carl: Ooh! Leg cramp!
- Mr. Wheezer: My kidneys are on FIRE! (faints)
Mr. Wilderman: Played fair!
Mr. Wilderman: Then cheated.
DeCarlo: Sorry, we cheated too. Greased the wheels on the wagon!
- When Jimmy ask his mom to pass the pork-loaf, you can see a pig's nose and its tail on the food.
- Carl, Ebeneezer, Sheen and Max are the only participants that did not cheat.
- However Cindy would have gotten away with it according to coach Goobert "when a parent is absent in an event they may be substituted", but since she didn't mentioned where her mom is & since it was more than one event that her aunt Suzie participated in, mostly throughout the whole parent child picnic games events, she and Cindy are disqualified.
- Sheen and Max didn't cheat but they also didn't really do anything that can be considered competing at all.