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The Feud (Title Card)
  • (The episode begins with Jimmy and Carl playing basketball.)
  • Jimmy: Come on, Carl, show me what you've got! (jumps at Carl) Ha!
  • (Jimmy bumps the basketball into Carl's face.)
  • Carl: Ow.
  • (Carl chases Jimmy. Hugh walks outside happily.)
  • Hugh: Okay, sun, check, birds, check, kids playing, check. (chuckles) Yes, sir. Looks like everything's hunky-dory in the world of Hugh Neutron. (gasp) (camera zooms in on his eyes) Sweet leaping...
  • (The camera cuts to and zooms in on...)
  • Hugh: (offscreen) CRABGRAAAAAAAAAAASS!!! (onscreen) The defiler of beloved lawns everywhere. My response must be swift and brutal.
  • Mr. Wheezer: Hey, Neutron! Just giving the old hedges a little trim before they start throwing off pollen spores.
  • Hugh: Wheezer, I'm gonna need my lawn lopper back.
  • Mr. Wheezer: Well, gee, Neutron, I gave that thing back weeks ago. You must've forgot.
  • Hugh: Forgot about my Lawn Lopper 300 Pro-Deluxe "As Seen on TV"? I don't think so!
  • Mr. Wheezer: Well, it's probably in your garage. Why don't you check.
  • Hugh: Actually, it's probably in your garage. I'll go get it.
  • Mr. Wheezer: Hey! I already told you I gave it back, ya wingding!
  • Hugh: And I'm telling you you didn't, toolhog!
  • Mr. Wheezer: Cheese brain!
  • Hugh: Sneeze jockey!
  • Mr. Wheezer: Noodle head!
  • Hugh: Just because my lawn is lush and silky while yours is limp and hard to manage. (chuckles)
  • Mr. Wheezer: What?! There's nothing wrong with my lawn!
  • Hugh: Oh, please! Dandelions, gopher holes, (picks up ceramic lawn cat) and these tacky ceramic lawn kittys! Please!
  • Mr. Wheezer: Oh yeah?! (takes Hugh's ceramic lawn duck) Well, what about your stupid lawn ducks? They're the laughing stock of the entire neighborhood!
  • Hugh: You- NO! You put that down right now!
  • Mr. Wheezer: Hey, look at me! (quacking) I'm a stupid lawn duck! (quacking) (accidentally throws it up in the air) Whoops!
  • Hugh: Sir Quacks-a-Lot!
  • (Hugh's lawn duck falls to the ground and shatters.)
  • Hugh: (sobbing) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
  • Mr. Wheezer: Oopsie.
  • Hugh: That is the last STRAW, Wheezer!
  • (Hugh throws Mr. Wheezer's lawn cat down to the ground, and it shatters, the latter shudders)
  • Hugh: From this point on, we are mortal enemies! (walks away)
  • Mr. Wheezer: Well, that goes double for me!
  • Hugh: (to Jimmy) Jimmy, send Carl home. From now on we'll have nothing to do with him or anyone named Wheezer or anyone who's ever wheezed.
  • Jimmy: But, Dad, Carl's my best friend.
  • WHEEZER: Not anymore! (he takes him by the hand; camera cuts to them and the Neutrons.) Come on, Carl. From now on the Wheezers and the Neutrons are sworn nemesises.
  • Jimmy: You mean "nemeses."
  • Hugh: Don't correct our ignorant enemy, son. Now, into the house. The air out here is thick with the stench of Wheezers.
  • Carl: Bye, Jimmy-- I'll never forget you.
  • Jimmy: Don't worry, Carl, a feud can't last forever. (heisyankedinside where his father opens the door with a white piece of paper saying "NO WHEEZERS ALLOWED", then removes it and repeats the background this time with a red word under it that makes it say "NO WHEEZERS ALLOWED FOREVER!!!!!!"
  • Jimmy: Jimmy to Carl, Jimmy to Carl.

|- |00:08:05 |Are you receiving me? |- |00:08:06 |Sure thing, Jimmy. |- |00:08:08 |I'm ready for our game of holographic StarToad. |- |00:08:12 |Have at you, then! |- |00:08:23 |Aha! I knew it. |- |00:08:24 |Carl, I have nothing against you personally, but this is a Wheezer-free home now. |- |00:08:35 |Bye, Jimmy. |- |00:08:38 |Dad, this isn't fair. |- |00:08:39 |Now, son, I know this is hard, but you'll make other friends-- non-Wheezer friends. |- |00:08:44 |But I want to hang out with Carl. |- |00:08:46 |And sooner or later I'll invent a way to get around this feud. |- |00:08:50 |Hey, thanks for reminding me. |- |00:08:56 |Ow! |- |00:09:08 |Ow! |- |00:09:17 |Mom, I can't live like this. |- |00:09:18 |You've got to do something. |- |00:09:20 |Way ahead of you, sweetie. |- |00:09:22 |Fathers can be such sillyheads. |- |00:09:24 |That's why I baked a brambleberry pie as a peace offering to the Wheezers. |- |00:09:29 |Of course, no one can stay angry when they're eating one of your pies. |- |00:09:33 |They've never failed yet. |- |00:09:35 |I'll have this ridiculous feud straightened out in no time. |- |00:09:39 |Good ol' Mom. |- |00:09:40 |If anyone can get this mess back to normal, it's her. |- |00:09:44 |(screams) Sheen, what were you doing in there? |- |00:09:49 |I'm here to bring you and Carl back together rough my "Reach Out and Touch a Friend" program. |- |00:09:54 |What is that? |- |00:09:55 |Well, for just four bucks a month I'll secretly deliver messages between you and Carl. |- |00:09:59 |He's already selected a rap-theme greeting for an additional three cents a word. |- |00:10:04 |(rap beat begins playing)

  • Sheen: (clears throat, then grunts) "Dear Jimmy, how are you? What's up, what's new? Look, our dads won't listen, it's you I've been missin' and it makes me sad and blue, fool. Please respond-- your friend, Carl." Four bucks, please.
  • Jimmy: Look, Sheen, this isn't necessary.

|- |00:10:23 |My mom's over at Carl's patching up e feud right now. |- |00:10:26 |WHEEZER: Oh, sweet heaven! |- |00:10:29 |(yelling) Oh, somebody, get my back, get my back! |- |00:10:32 |(yelling) You knew my husband was allergic to brambleberry pie. |- |00:10:37 |You're just a dupe for that hateful husband of yours. |- |00:10:40 |"Hateful"? You take that back! |- |00:10:42 |Never, allergy-giver. |- |00:10:43 |Venon-spitter! |- |00:10:44 |She-witch! |- |00:10:45 |Hag-woman! |- |00:10:47 |(gasps) Jimmy, I don't want you ever to mention the word "Carl" again. |- |00:10:55 |(door slams) Sheen, can you arrange a meeting with Carl? |- |00:11:00 |You're in luck, Jimmy. |- |00:11:01 |I'm having a special this month on super-secret meetings. |- |00:11:04 |May I suggest a Mexican bandito theme? |- |00:11:14 |Hi, Jimmy. |- |00:11:15 |Carl, please. |- |00:11:16 |We have to do this by the book. |- |00:11:18 |Oh, sorry. |- |00:11:19 |Hola, Señor Cactus, ¿¿qué tal? |- |00:11:22 |Look, can we just get on with this? |- |00:11:25 |Whatever, it's your money. |- |00:11:26 |It's really good to see you, Carl. |- |00:11:28 |Do you have the components I need? |- |00:11:31 |Sure, Jimmy. |- |00:11:32 |Here's the perpetual motion gyro top you gave me last year. |- |00:11:35 |And here's the non-sucking, hydraulic loopy straw you gave me. |- |00:11:38 |Great-- my dad thinks he's cut me off from technology, but he forgot about Goddard. |- |00:11:44 |By combining these with extra parts from Goddard, I'll devise a choloro-plastic crabgrass excelerator. |- |00:11:50 |Jimmy, our dads hate crabgrass. |- |00:11:53 |Exactly. |- |00:11:54 |Faced with an outbreak of crabgrass, they'll have to forget their feud to save their lawns. |- |00:11:59 |This ought to do the trick. |- |00:12:00 |After all, science has never let us down before. |- |00:12:04 |What about when science almost made that meteor hit us? |- |00:12:06 |And the time science blocked out the sun and nearly... |- |00:12:09 |Okay, okay-- science almost usually never lets us down. |- |00:12:13 |Ready guys? |- |00:12:15 |Wait. |- |00:12:16 |There's something we got to get settled. |- |00:12:18 |Okay, for contacting Carl, that'll be $3.75, delivering the message in Spanish, six pesos. |- |00:12:23 |So, carry the one... |- |00:12:24 |Come on. |- |00:12:31 |Okay, guys, here we go. |- |00:12:49 |(humming) Holly jumping catfish! |- |00:12:54 |(humming) Great stinking bananas! |- |00:13:00 |Oh, this is all your fault, Wheezer! |- |00:13:02 |Oh, no-- the crabgrass started on your lawn, Neutron. |- |00:13:07 |I guess this neighborhood just can't have nice things. |- |00:13:10 |You're both wasting time. |- |00:13:11 |The only way to fight an infestation this big is for you to work together. |- |00:13:16 |Never! No lawn is worth that. |- |00:13:18 |I'd rather be dipped in pickle juice and thrown to rabid weasels. |- |00:13:22 |Ditto! |- |00:13:23 |Good-bye, old friend. |- |00:13:25 |Avenge you I will! |- |00:13:30 |Drat. |- |00:13:31 |Wedgied by science again. |- |00:13:33 |No! |- |00:13:34 |I can't let my friendship with Jimmy end like this. |- |00:13:37 |Carl, what are you doing? |- |00:13:40 |Don't! |- |00:13:41 |We need more crabgrass... |- |00:13:43 |More! |- |00:13:45 |(rumbling) (snarling) You've started a muta-genic growth cycle and it's out of control. |- |00:14:00 |(all screaming) Sugarbooger, we need pruning power, pronto! |- |00:14:13 |Mother! Get the weed spray! |- |00:14:29 |Back, vicious vine of death! |- |00:14:32 |(vines snarling) (grunting) (yelling) Take that, and this. |- |00:15:07 |And that, and more of this. |- |00:15:11 |(grunting) (panting) (boys yelling) Jim-Jim! |- |00:15:19 |Carl! |- |00:15:20 |(both grunting) (cries out) (grunting) Thank goodness you boys are all right. |- |00:15:37 |Mom, does this mean that the feud is over? |- |00:15:40 |And Carl and I can be friends again? |- |00:15:43 |Well, the Wheezers and the Neutrons may have their differences... |- |00:15:47 |But we'll just have to learn to get past them for the sake of the children. |- |00:15:51 |You betcha. |- |00:15:52 |I agree one hundred percent. |- |00:15:54 |Just as soon as Wheezer admits that he took my Lawnlopper. |- |00:15:59 |I did not! |- |00:16:00 |Stupidhead! |- |00:16:01 |Moron-face! |- |00:16:02 |Mucus-monkey! |- |00:16:03 |Duck lover! |- |00:16:04 |"Duck lover"?! |- |00:16:05 |(both yelling) Okay, okay.

  • Sheen: I just remembered! Sam at the Candy Bar paid me to send a message to Mr. Neutron. And he's chosen a festive polka theme! (sings and yodels): Thanks for lending me your lawn lopper. I'll return it within the next few days. (the Neutrons and Wheezers go bewildered then glare at Hugh for his mistake before glaring at Sheen, finishes): That'll be four bucks, please.
  • Judy, Martha, Carl, and Jimmy: (all angry) Sheen!
  • Sheen: (nervously) Of course, we could discuss a preferred customer discount?

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