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The Mighty Wheezers/Transcript

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(Opening shot: Iris in to Carl and his parents pulling on something rather hard and grunting in turn.)

Mr. Wheezer: Pull, Wheezers, pull!
Mrs. Wheezer: Come on, pull...I'm pulling...

(A zoom out shows them pulling on a suitcase standing before them in the driveway; they are in front of the Neutron family car. They finally stop and pant as Judy comes by and takes it, wearing the outfit she wore to Hot Springs Spa in "Maternotron Knows Best".)

Judy: I'll take that.

(They continue gasping for breath as Carl falls over; cut to Jimmy on the other side. Judy joins him and puts the suitcase in the trunk.)

Judy: Now, Jimmy, I want you to behave yourself at the Wheezers' this weekend.
Jimmy: Don't worry, Mom, everything will be fine! I've been looking forward to this for weeks!
Carl: It'll be just like having a brother who looks nothing like me and has a different last name. (Sheen zips up behind Jimmy.)
Sheen: (slightly annoyed) Man, you guys are so lucky! I have to stay home and loof up my grandma's cankles!
Mr. Wheezer: I can't believe you're camping out in the desert. (snorts, chuckles) I get slightly phlegmy just thinkin' about it.

(Hugh comes out from behind, wearing nothing but a duck hat, his underpants and sandals. As he speaks, he shakes Mr. Wheezer, while Mrs. Wheezer puts her hands over Carl's eyes in disgrace.)

Hugh: Ah, well, that's what "Burning Duck" is all about, Wheezer, my man. We're gonna alllll hang out, groove to a natural scene, maybe even toast some marshmallows.

(Cut to Jimmy and Sheen; Judy joins them while the second reacts to this and puts his hands over his eyes.)

Judy: Honey, put your pants on, you can groove when we get to the desert. (She kisses Jimmy on the head and walks off.) See you soon, sweetie.

(Back view of the car, Hugh is here; Judy joins him.)

Hugh: Keep it real, Jimbo, go with the flow.

(After the mother joins her nearly naked husband, the car starts and drives away.)

Jimmy: (from o.s.) Bye, Mom! Bye, Dad!
Carl: (from o.s., under previous) Bye!
Judy: (from o.s.) Love you!

(Widen to frame the quintet as they walk after them, waving.)

Mrs. Wheezer: Buh-bye!
Mr. Wheezer: Bye, and adios!

(Close-up of the group; Jimmy and the Wheezers make their way o.s.)

Mrs. Wheezer: Well, Jimmy, let's get you settled in.

(The only one left behind is Sheen, who speaks after them in a rather stilted manner.)

Sheen: Bye, guys. Have fun while I'm cankling.

(He starts off; cut to just inside the door of the Wheezer house. Mr. and Mrs. Wheezer make their way o.s.; Carl and Jimmy enter as the door closes behind them.)

Jimmy: Hey, Carl, how about a quick game of Virtual Foosball?
Mr. Wheezer: (from o.s.) Ab-bub-bub! (Cut to frame him with his wife and Carl standing by.) First things first, Jimmy. (He pulls out a bottle and opens it.) We've all been out in the open air, so we'll need to disinfect.

(He sprays some disinfectint cream from the bottle onto his hand on the end of this; close-up of Jimmy as it is applied all over his face.)

Mrs. Wheezer: (from o.s.) Germs, mold spores...

(Cut to frame her as she sprays some into her hand; Carl is already working away.)

Mrs. Wheezer: You'd be amazed what sticks to a person's skin.

(She starts applying on it on the end of this, and Mr. Wheezer finishes in turn. Close-up of Jimmy, cream all over his face.)

Jimmy:Is this really necessary? (Back to the Wheezers, applying all over.)
Carl: You better scrub harder, Jimmy, you can't be too careful! (Mr. Wheezer gets out another bottle on the end of this.)
Mr. Wheezer: CLEAR!

(He sprays it, and it releases an off-white mist which bathes Jimmy as he coughs uncontrollably.)

Mr. Wheezer: (from o.s.) There. (Cut to he and the Wheezers.) Clean as a whistle. (He puts the bottle away.) Mrs: Wheezer: You boys get comfortable, dinner will be right out.

(She tiptoes like a ballerina out of the scene on the end of this; transition to an eager looking Jimmy sitting at the dinner table and holding a fork and knife; the tinting of the streets outside show it is now sunset. The eagerness suddenly fades into confusion by the sound of monotonous groaning; zoom out to frame Carl and Mr. Wheezer, stretching in various places and groaning. It takes a few seconds before Jimmy can get any words out.)

Jimmy: Uh – are you guys all right?
Mr. Wheezer: Aw, Just limbering up the old GI tract, Jimbo. (chuckles) It keeps your digestion loose and gas free.
Carl: Come on, Jimmy! (Jimmy gets up from his seat and joins them.) Your intestines aren't gonna unclench themselves, you know!

(They resume their stretching/groaning; Jimmy is speechless for a few seconds.)

Jimmy: W-well, if you insist, um...

(He ends up joining in the stretching/groaning, but awkwardly and unsure. Cut to Mrs. Wheezer, holding a tray with four bowls of a mush-like substance; the groaning stops as she enters.)

Mrs: Wheezer: Sounds like my men are hungry!

(She dashes o.s.; cut to Jimmy as a bowl is slid up to him.)

Jimmy: Uh... w-what is this, Mrs. Wheezer? (Mrs. Wheezer sits down, bowl before her.)
Mrs. Wheezer: Fiber loaf à la king: a hypoallergenic protein substitute. (Carl starts eating rapidly.)
Mr. Wheezer: You see, Jimmy, the Mrs. and I are allergic to most meat, fish, grain, dairy, fruit, vegetable and jalapeño-based food products.
Carl: Eat it, Jimmy! (Mr. Wheezer starts eating.) Before it gets damp!

(Close-up on Jimmy on the end of this, eyeing his bowl which now has his fork stuck in it. He grabs it and picks it up, the entire bowl and food lifting up with it.)

Jimmy: Well, um... (groans) m-mind if I add some salt?

(He gets a salt shaker out on the end of this, and begins shaking. The salt begins building out in a large, white dust cloud that covers the entire table, appailing the Wheezers. The next three lines overlap each other.)

Mrs. Wheezer: (shrieks) Oh, no!
Carl: Jimmy no!
Mr. Wheezer: Make sure you don't have it!

(The last begins waving around rapidly, and Carl joins in.)

Carl: That much airborne salt will set off our...

(The Wheezers begin launching into a round of uncontrollable sneezes, causing their meals to fly all over the table; last is Jimmy's, which flies into his face and dumps food all over his shirt. Mrs. Wheezer groans as the camera widens to frame the entire table; Only Carl has his food bowl besides Jimmy.)

Mrs. Wheezer: Oh, sorry, Jimmy.
Carl: (pauses, holds bowl up) More, please!

A capella, slow 4 (F major)

(Cut to an extreme close-up of Mr. Wheezer's mouth.)

Mr. Wheezer:                    Oh...

(Zoom out to frame the other two Wheezers; they are all sitting on the couch, and they start swaying back and forth in time as they sing.)

Wheezers:                    Sitting and singing
                                      Singing and sitting

(On the second line, cut to a cringing Jimmy on the chair; he interrupts them before they repeat the first line.)

Jimmy: Don't you guys ever just watch TV?
Carl: My mom says too much TV before bed causes brain lesions. (Widen to frame Jimmy.)
Mr. Wheezer: Second verse!

(As they resume their song, Jimmy disgracefully bangs his head on the arm of the chair repeatedly.)

Wheezers:                    Sitting and singing
                                      Singing and sitting

(Close-up of the dining room table with a vase and paper cup; we hear gargling as we tilt up to the Mr. and Mrs. Wheezer, holding paper cups of their own as they gargle something in their mouths. Cut to frame Jimmy near Carl, the latter also gargling and holding a cup, the former looking on disgustedly as he puts a hand on his chest. A wider shot frames three more vases on the table; the Wheezers spit the substances in their mouths into the vases before them.)

Mr. Wheezer: There's nothing like a good family gargle before bedtime.
Carl: Make sure to get it deep down – (Close-up of Jimmy, eyeing his cup in confusion; he continues o.s.) You know, past your tonsils, Jim.

(The boy genius drinks from the cup and begins gargling. Mr. Wheezer's hand suddenly comes into view behind him and slaps him on the back, causing him to swallow the substance and cough slightly. Transition to Carl's bedroom; The parents stand off to the right, Jimmy sits on a sleeping bag near the bed, where Carl sleeps. The last two have acquired their PJ's and not wearing shoes; Carls' are two-piece white short-sleeved with prints, while Jimmy wears a white nightshirt with his underwear visible underneath. It is still sunset, according to the window.)

Mrs. Wheezer: You boys sleep tight, now.

(Close-up of Jimmy; now his nightshirt can now be seen in full detail, showing the same yellow atom symbol from his usual red shirt.)

Jimmy: (sammering) But it's only 7:30!
Mr. Wheezer: Now, Jimmy, early to bed, early to rise, makes a man less prone to bronchial infection. (snorts) Night, kids!

(Overview of the boys as the lights turn out and the door slams; they lie down one at a time.)

Carl: Hey, Jimmy. Let's stay up all night and tell scary stories, and then we can share our most – (Jimmy smiles.) personal thoughts and not even go to sleep until –

(He ends up turning in before he could even finish, and starts snoring loudly. Zoom in slowly on Jimmy, whose smile instantly fades as he begins to worry.)

Jimmy: (to himself) Okay... (eyes squeeze shut) Easy, Jimmy...It's only for the weekend...you'll get through this...

(Carl begins snoring louder than before, and Jimmy cringes at this. Cut to a close-up of Carl's Llama Friends clock, which now displays the time as 9:45. Dissolve to the outside of the door to Mr. and Mrs. Wheezers' room, opening and closing slightly. Close-up of them, asleep in bed and also snoring; his snoring in a "mi mi mi" variation similar to Curly of the Three Stooges. her snoring in a deep "waaaah" sound. Close-up of a cringing Jimmy, zooming in slowly and rotating a bit as the snores begin to overlap themselves; shift between close-ups of the Wheezer parents' snoring mouths. Back to Jimmy as the clock partially fades into view over him, time advancing at fast speed; the image shows the same mouth close-ups before he immediately sits up with a scream. The snores continue under the following lines.)

Jimmy: This is ridiculous. Allergies, germs, constricted nighttime airways... what's next?!

(Carl's hand comes into view and wipes down on Jimmy's face repeatedly.)

Carl: (from o.s.) Do not fear. (Cut to him.) Only I can tame Sancho, the Wonder Llama.

(Widen to frame Jimmy on the end of this, who growls and tosses Carl's arm back to him.)

Jimmy: That's it! (Stands up and runs out) I can't take it anymore!

(Close-up of the Vox 2000 scanner; Jimmy brings a hair into view and it is scanned. Cut to Goddard in the lab; Jimmy walks past, still in his nightshirt as Goddard barks. He goes after him; on the start of the next line, cut to the desk chair as Jimmy sits in it.)

Jimmy: I know it's late, boy, but this is an emergency!

(He starts typing on the end of this, and the view cuts to a close-up of his keypad before showing various scenes of him inventing something. He pours a substance from two different test tubes one at a time into a flask before him...Goddard holds a tube in his mouth and shakes his head rapidly while holding it...a tower-like structure is shown, the top is shown to have Jimmy's atom symbol in close-up as the image flashes like lightning causing the colors to go inverted in time...a microwave begins starting up...he does some more typing...the tower begins working and a "ding" sound is heard as the camera tilts down to the microwave as the door opens, revealing a small capsule on a plate. Jimmy comes into view and, in an overview, holds it high before the view flashes one last time and fades to white.)

(Fade in to an extreme close-up of the capsule, held by Jimmy; green on one half, pink on the other.)

Jimmy: Here we are, Goddard: total health-boost caplets. (Cut to frame he and Goddard.) The Wheezers have sneezed their last sneeze. At least for the weekend.

(Cut to frame Mr. Wheezer in bed as he and his wife continue their loud snoring; the top of Jimmy's head slinks into view past him. One soft grunt, and Jimmy peeks over, holding a small tube in one hand. Cut to just behind him as he aims it and blows on it with his mouth, and one capsule is fired into Mr. Wheezer's. Another blow, and a capsule is fired into Mrs. Wheezer's in close-up.)

[Animation goof: Mr. Wheezer's glasses appear on him while his capsule is being fired.]

(Dissolve to Carl, still snoring; it is now daytime. A capsule is fired into his mouth, and he yelps a bit before he falls silent. Cut to Jimmy as he lies down on his sleeping bag, pleased with the results.)

Jimmy: No more allergies, no more snoring, (rest of words become tiredly) no more weak constitutions... Too bad it's only temporary.

(His eyes close and his head falls back on the end of this, but instantly snaps awake to the sound of Carl's clock. Close-up of it, time showing it to be 7:00; and Carl's fist comes into view and breaks it with one bump. He yawns and sits up, glasses being fitted, before realizing something.)

Carl: Huh?

(Cut to his perspective; the view blurry through one lens. The glasses are lowered, revealing a perfect resolved image as he gasps. In close-up, confusion works its way to excitement as he realizes he can see now; Jimmy rubs his eyes tiredly as Carl begins doing a push-up with one finger on the ground before him.)

Jimmy: (slightly woozy) Carl? Uh, what's goin' on?

(His perspective of Carl, pushing up with one hand behind his back.)

Carl: Hey, Jimmy, look what I can do! (Close-up of Jimmy; he smiles as he continues o.s.) And I can see stuff now – (Cut to frame him.) – and my nose isn't all clogged, I feel great! (jumps to his feet) I gotta go tell my folks!

(He does a cartwheel out the door as he finishes, and Jimmy raises a fist as if to say, "Mission accomplished!". Cut to Mr. Wheezer reading a book on the couch.)
00:04:43

Carl: (cartwheeling down the stairs) Whee! (lands behind the couch) Hey, Mom, Dad, guess what?
Mr. Wheezer: Morning, son.

(The couch is suddenly easilly lifted up by Mr. Wheezer, who uses one finger to hold it still while vacuuming under it. Cut to Jimmy descending the stairs; he is back in his usual clothes and staring on, excitement has changed into unexpected surprise.)

Jimmy: Leapin' electrons! I think my health caplets may have worked too well!

(Cut to Mr. Wheezer juggling his wife and son; the couch is back in its usual spot. They cheer excitedly as they are tossed around.)

Mrs. Wheezer: This is great fun! Fabulous!
Mr. Wheezer: Boy, (He sets them down and stands up.) I haven't felt this good since I was a bubble boy! (chuckles) Hey, let's attack the day, family! Let's go drink deep from the cup of life!
Jimmy: Uh, yeah, uh, Mr. Wheezer, (stammers) About that...

(Cut to outside the house; the door begins banging.)

Mr. Wheezer: (from inside) CHAAARRRRGE!!!

(One blow causes the door to come flying out of the scene, and the Wheezers come running out one at a time. Jimmy follows.)

Jimmy: Oh, Mr. and Mrs. Wheezer! Carl, waaaaaait! (Sheen runs up to him, panting.)
Sheen: Jimmy! I saw the whole thing! Carl and his folks have become Ultra Wheezers! (suddenly pleased) How cool is that?
Jimmy: We've gotta go after them, Sheen. If my caplets wear off, they might hurt themselves! Come on!

(Both boys run o.s.; transition

00:05:38 (yelling wildly) JIMMY Carl, be careful. 00:05:41 Don't! 00:05:42 CARL: Geronimo! 00:05:54 Chow down, son. 00:05:56 It's fabulous. 00:05:56 JIMMY Listen, everybody, your new health is only temporary. You need to be careful. 00:06:02 Mmm, all the foods we could never eat before-- pickles, cilantro, veal, hot salami, vichyssoise--that's French for potato soup. 00:06:09 Sheen, make them understand. 00:06:11 Did she say hot salami?! 00:06:15 JIMMY Listen, I artificially... 00:06:18 Jimmy Sheen yelling) Come on, family. 00:06:20 We're going to climb Mount Incredibly Unstable. 00:06:23 No one's ever climbed Mount Incredibly Unstable and lived. 00:06:28 I'm in. 00:06:29 Me, too. 00:06:30 (Wheezers cheering) We've got to stop them before they get to Mount Incredibly Unstable. 00:06:36 It's incredibly unstable! 00:06:37 How do you know this stuff? 00:06:58 (whooshing) Yeah, this will really stick it to the man. 00:07:14 Boogermama, need more wicker! 00:07:18 (Wheezers cheering) Jimmy I should tell you I usually barf around Mach 2! 00:07:37 Sorry, Sheen, but my health caplets could wear off at any time! 00:07:41 (vomiting) Ow! Oh, that climb must have irritated my pinkeye. 00:07:47 Okay, um, I think I got a nosebleed. 00:07:50 We're so terribly high up. 00:07:52 We could get exposure. 00:07:54 What were we thinking?! 00:07:56 JIMMY No! 00:07:58 That rock's going to give! 00:07:59 (Wheezers yelling) (gasps) Ooh, that's harshing my mellow. 00:08:11 JIMMY It's headed right for the Burning Duck Festival. 00:08:15 My mom and dad will be crushed! 00:08:17 Just one chance. 00:08:18 (rumbling) I have to reverse the pull on my tractor beam. 00:08:28 I need more power! 00:08:30 It's not working! 00:08:31 Wait a minute-- that's it! 00:08:32 This desert is a salt flat. 00:08:34 Sheen, help me get all this salty sand into the air. 00:08:40 (Wheezers sneezingwildly) (rocks crash to a halt) HUGH: Out of sight! 00:08:56 You totally blew my mind, Wheezers! 00:08:59 Oh, are you all right, sweetie? 00:09:01 Sure, Mom, thanks to the Wheezers. 00:09:03 Oh, it was nothing. 00:09:04 Say, does anyone have a moist towelette? 00:09:06 You cats have got to stick around. 00:09:08 We're just about to set fire to the big duck. 00:09:11 How about it, Mr. Wheezer? 00:09:12 We could give them a rousing bonfire song. 00:09:15 That we could, Jimmy 00:09:17 That we could. 00:09:18 ALL: ♪♪ We're singing and standing ♪♪ 00:09:22 ♪♪ We're standing and singing ♪♪ 00:09:25 ♪♪ Burning and singing ♪♪ 00:09:28 ♪♪ Smoking and burning ♪♪ 00:09:31 ♪♪ Singing and standing ♪♪ 00:09:33 ♪♪ Standing and singing ♪♪ 00:09:36 ♪♪ Burning and singing... ♪♪

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